What do you think of television golf infomercials? Have you ever picked up the phone at 2:30 in the morning and ordered a new wedge because you just witnessed how you can pick the ball cleanly from the bed of a dump truck? This may come in handy if you have a habit of spraying your shots off the course into adjacent parking lots, but I'd be more interested in how the club performs playing a shot off of something like 'grass'.

Does the face of your new wedge, purchased sight-unseen by dialing a toll-free number, contain more carats than your wife's engagement ring? Since diamonds are supposed to be one of the hardest materials known to man and are handy at drilling through solid rock, what does this mean to the life expectancy of my golf ball? I may be able to draw an approach shot back halfway up the fairway, or stick the ball beside the pin like a dart, but how long until the cover begins to look like the surface of the moon?

Personally I have never purchased any golf equipment over the telephone, but I will admit to being somewhat hooked on infomercials. I am still in fact enjoying the view of the world through my Blu-Blocker sunglasses which I ordered late one night by phone in 1993, and the Dura-Lube came in handy when my Volvo began experiencing 'indigestion' in 1994. My library of Tony Robbins Personal Power tapes sits prominently above my desk, and although I purchased my 'Juicer' at Costco it was only after watching the 'Juiceman' sales pitch a few dozen times late at night on the tube. Once again Costco won out over direct-order for my Total Gym, and Don Lepre's Money Making package explaining how to get rich by placing 'tiny classified ads' in every newspaper in the universe still sits awaiting my perusal.

I am, however, proud to say I have yet to pick up the phone and place an order to find out how to buy real estate with no money down, dehydrate fruit, broil a 'fat-free turkey', light a fire on the hood of my car without damaging the paint, loose weight while I sleep, obtain a paint-stick, or get rich through SMC.

Have you ever wondered what effect that 'buy-direct' golf infomercial extolling the virtues of the newest and best in multi-metal technology may have on your club pro's business or that of the golf retailer down the street?

In spite of the occasional 'creative stretch', I find golf infomercials to be highly entertaining and quite informative, and although I haven't yet taken a swing at buying anything over the phone, I do tend to take note of the information provided and sooner or later check out the advertised club, bag, etc. at a local pro shop or off-course outlet.

It is for this reason that golf infomercials probably tend to do more 'good' than harm when it comes to their impact on the golf retail trade.

Rather than existing as a potential threat to the 'traditional channels of distribution', the infomercial can take a relatively unknown product and create tremendous consumer interest very quickly. Most golfers will still want to 'feel' a club before they buy it, and the infomercial may serve to heighten their interest and put a desire in the viewer's mind to go down to his local pro shop and actually try out the club.

By definition an infomercial is a 30-minute direct response segment. There are also 5-minute infomercials, which are referred to as brandomercials, and offer less exposure.

The benefit of infomercials is that they relay to the consumer the message that the manufacturer wants to get across. They educate the consumer to the point where, in essence, the product sells itself.

A retailer not carrying a particular product may still enjoy a sale due to a customer coming into the store and placing a special-order, based entirely on the influence of an infomercial.

Creating a 30-minute segment for television is not cheap. The average cost of a 'professionally done' infomercial is between $100,00 and $400,000 U.S. With production costs at this level, the quality of the product had better be assured because the public will not be fooled for long if the merchandise does not live up to the 'hype'.

Many golf infomercials are indeed a recipe for success, but in reality they walk a fine line between high sales and bankruptcy. If the product turns out to be "all sizzle and no steak", dreams of creating golf merchandise dynasties are guaranteed to quickly become nightmares of disillusionment and financial disaster.

If you're like me you probably have your doubts at times as to the 'validity' of the personal testimonials we see in golf infomercials. I would really like to believe that we are seeing 'real comments' from 'real people' about how their new driver has added 30 yards distance and handicaps are dropping, but just like the 'guests' who appear on shows like 'Jerry Springer' and 'The People's Court', there is just 'something' about these people at times that tells me they are probably actors.

'Professional' endorsements on the other hand are undoubtedly one of the key ingredients to a successful golf infomercial. People such as Ken Venturi, Roger Maltby, John Huston, Mark O'Meara and Hank Haney have strong credibility. When Ken Venturi or Mark O'Meara says a club will perform I tend to believe them.

Keep in mind however, the aforementioned individuals are so good they could probably play just as well with almost any club on the market. The difference is at the level these players are at, or were at during their competitive playing days, an average of a stroke a round either higher or lower is huge, and sometimes that stroke may be attributed to something as 'non-mechanical' and subjective as whether or not the player likes the club's cosmetics or is the shape of the head visually appealing at address.

To most of these high profile professionals, their reputations are vital to their careers, and they will not associate themselves with a product unless they sincerely believe in the product, or on the other hand, the money being waved in front of them to sign on the dotted line is just too good to pass up for the sake of maintaining one's integrity. Some bad investments or a costly divorce have a habit of modifying one's perspective on these things.

I suppose the only other flaw in the equation of professional endorsements and consumer influence is the fact that although Roger Maltby may be able to hit a solid fairway wood from a deep divot, or Hank Haney can hit a green from 235 yards out in a fairway bunker, the vast majority of the golfing public do not have Roger Maltby or Hank Haney's skills. John Huston can get a wedge shot to dance on the green because he executes the shot properly.

Which brings us to another consideration in this discussion of golf infomercials and purchasing new equipment over the telephone. There is no doubt that advancements in technology have made playing the game somewhat easier and therefore more enjoyable for the average person. Lighter clubs, larger heads and 'user friendly shafts' all contribute to striking the ball more consistently, which is really what the game is all about. Having said that, it is still the responsibility of the player to 'deliver' the club head to the ball in such a manner as to 'allow' the club to do its job.

You can have the most highly technologically advanced golf clubs the world has ever seen at a price which far surpasses what my parents paid for their first home, but unless that club head is on the correct plane and path for 2 inches either side of that stationary golf ball, you may as well be swinging a rope.

If you really want to improve your driving, wedge play, putting or whatever, perhaps you should consider taking a relatively small portion of what you are willing to pay over the phone at 4 AM for that new space-age driver with the 'ground effects' soleplate and shark cartilage insert, and instead wait a few hours until the next morning and do the smart thing by contacting a CPGA or PGA professional for a few lessons.

You may be amazed at just how much your game improves, and then if you still 'fall prey' to the lure of the infomercials and just have to have that new driver or wedge, go ahead and take the plunge. You'll probably 'get more out of your new club' this way and thus ultimately feel better about your 'investment'.